aside A note from Pabwalo University of Brilliance (PUB)

Just recently, our famous council of ‘upper’ learning decided to smoke some Malawi gold and disown some of our favorite colleges in the country. Imagine being a parent and one day some board of douche-bags decide to announce in the paper that ‘after a careful review, they (the council) have determined that programs offered at Baba Idyani University are no longer considered legit’? Meanwhile your modestly smart daughter is in her final year of studying Law? Nanga timatero? How can you wait for so long to trash someone’s dreams and hopes? Clearly those working at ‘the council’ have no children OR they are placed in the most prestigious of colleges e.g. our one and only home of academic freedom – Chirunga.

Baba Idyani was not the only victim of such emotional injustice. Em-see-A, Expose University, Sky-bay, Even African Bubble College. Eti abale? Ndi African bubble yomwe? After reading the press release I quickly sensed something suspicious. Nanga ma college amenewa abwera lero? Tathera-thera ku ma Baba Idyani, Tadya ma threesome konko. Then you tell us years later that their education standards are crap? No sir! So you can understand how relieved I was when I was informed that these prestigious institutes were not necessarily disowned but rather required a few modifications to please father council. Phew! We can still keep our daughters at Baba. I hear that they have a good whoring program – non comparable.

So that is sorted. No one has wasted his or her time (for now at least). But it is not the council’s actions that motivate this piece. No sir! It is the reactions. Especially from the so-called ‘elite’ cream of Malawi. Parents and children of the ‘True’ institutes of higher learning in Nyasaland. The smile on their faces, the giggles and laughs.

Shame…. Shame… Shame…. (In GoT voice)

It has come to my attention that there is still a group of hard wired nuts out there who think that if you don’t go to chirunga, ku ulimi, ku udokotala, kapena ku ijayi ili pafupi ndi nseu wa high way ija, then you are a waste of space. It is 2016 and we still believe that there is only 1 legit University in the country? Negro please! So if you were in the UK, you would probably be at Oxford or Cambridge right? There are hundreds of ‘recognized’ Universities in England alone. Eyetu, ma Baba Idyani, ma African Bubble omwewa. Do people respect other  colleges more than others? Yes! But I like to believe that your Oxford degree can only take you as far as your competency. Likewise, your chirunga paper can only take you as far as your capabilities. Sure, we bump into questionable graduates of Baba Idyani but then again, tell me that you have not met the same from chirunga.

Individual quality aside, let us look at the kind of education being offered by the ‘inferior’ institutes of Malawi. One word for you – relevance, relevance, relevance! Correct me if things have changed, but last time  I walked the corridors of chirunga and interacted with my fellow ‘elites’ from the sister colleges, I had never heard of anyone studying for a degree in Logistics and Supply Chain or Graphics and Multimedia or Education in special Needs or Arts in Health Systems Management etc. etc. No No No – we were busy learning to become nuclear physicists, rocket scientists, movie producers and my personal favorite, psychiatrists (after a few topics in psychology – negro please). The lot of us are now, social workers, accountants, bank managers (if you are lucky) you name it. So why then did we not just study social work, accounts, or banking? In the name of being the cream?. Munthu kulowa mu insurance company kukapeza manager ndi mlimi waku luwana. Zooona? Perhaps we can blame the hard wired nuts for this. They would rather have a farmer for an actuary than someone with ‘inferior’ credentials.

To be honest, they don’t make them like they used to at chirunga and friends. You begin your 4 year degree program in 2000 and graduate in 2006. If you are lucky, you don’t knock up a chick or get knocked up yourself. Since academic freedom, everything is a reason to take to the streets. In the end all we have is half baked self-righteous products so stuck up in their theoretical world of reality. Hit a nerve? Pepa.

My advice to all those Human Resource Professionals (assuming you are not chirunga and friends), do not fall for that ‘elite’ degree crap. Pick em as you need em. If you are looking for a rocket scientist, get yourself a rocket scientists. That is all I am saying, Osati uyu anali ku ulimi ngati ife.

My advice to the ‘council’, next time tiyeni tizapange ngati anthu akulu akulu eti? Let us not make people panic. Timadaliratu inu nomwe. Tikusegula Pabwalo University of Brilliance pompano (PUB). Nde tikambirane.

My advice to team ‘inferior’. Awida

My advice to team ‘cream’ Awidanso

My advice to mlimi amene anatenga malo a ine aja, Nyapako

Ine wanu wanu – Afumu



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