aside I’m just here to say hi

I don’t have a title…. I’m just here to say Hi…
♬♬ “Ma plain! Ma Plain! Ma plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain….”♬♬ Let me acknowledge the “Igboro” song this year… goddamn! That song is the shit… ambirife tabetsa ndalama zathu even our dignity cause of that song…

 

I say dignity cause eeeh… I once went to a church function and once that song was played, I had completely forgotten that tili ku za tchalitchi koma iyayi unleashed my inner chez demon… mmmm you cannot hide from that song….. akazati ♬♬chiMbolo♬♬ ooops… Igboro… ♬♬chigololo mpaka junior♬♬…. Anywho… Its DhiiiiiCember y’all…. More like dicklessember to some of us… no sign of dick… akangaude achita kusanduka twine pofika January… Yesu timudziwadi.

 
Gosh I missed you guys! I had no one to tell of my sexcapades… oh sure I have a facebook account and all but you know I loooove oversharing things and Facebook is just too small for me and ndimapanga mwano pamenepaja sinanga enanu mumajayira. Mukati mutasenso ku inbox.. .you fucken perverts.

 

Of course I entertained a few of you, let you figure me out and meet me… lucky bastards… I am charming aren’t I… Point is we tried our very best to keep your pabwalo itches scratched, tinakanda izozo… musaname… kept your hopes up kuti we shall return despite your constant nagging… perverts. We are back’tu…

 
I gotta type as fast as I can because the creative process does not wait for anyone… momentum ili very high and magetsi akuyaka… yeey… eeeeeh this year ESCOM has made us learn! Uhuuum… do you know how hard it is for a person like me to have sex in the dark (well, unless ndika mam’mawa kaja… or pakati pa usiku yodzidzimusa ija umangozindikira yalowa ija ♬♬Ma plain…. Ma plain … ma plain…Yeeee….chiMbolo… mamawa, masana… chiMbolo ♬♬ well ok fine I guess we do have a lot of sex in the dark)

KOMABE! I wanna see what is going on… haven’t you seen those people who make faces like they are in pain when fucking, akazayika tsinya pachipumipa, ukamawayamwa ngati kuti your mouth is full of needles… Like damn… are you sure ukumva kukoma iwe?? Nanji akakhala munthu who doesn’t make sounds… Heh! Maybe Escom was doing us a favor there…

 
I am sure next year there will be a lot of babies not cause people didn’t have entertainment when lights went off but cause sex in the dark is just too intense… man… kumakhala kumasukatu… fingering each other’s assholes… biting… screaming…talking…. It’s like another void is added in the vagina even… like two, three dicks need to be in there at once… mmm, mwina it’s just me and my weird nyere, kuti sex in the dark its always balls deep and the orgasm feels like your legs are about to fall off…

 
Nanji anthu ena amaoneka bwino pa Whatsapp DP ndima filter and these photo apps… kuzakumana nawo ku club with those pretty ass lights, iwe koma kutengeka, kukafika pa den no lights… you go through it and in the morning nkuzaona kuti they are sickly and pimply and on the verge of starting their ARVs… munthu face to face kumaoneka ngati a bad case of the Prisma filter…. you just thank GOD for the used condoms on the floor but contact your doctor friend anyway to hook you up with P.E.P either way….

 

Bloody hell kunja kwaopsya… ESCOM ndiye just making it worse… towards killing us all day everyday…
Tikati tizakambe za madzi…. Hohoho… munalimva fungo la jeans plus thukuta plus listilo plus ukala… nde amunawa amazifayira body spray ngati akuzipanga fumigate…. Whoever told them AXE is a shower in a can fucken lied to them! Dirty fuckers…. Olo muvale jeans yong’ambang’amba ija sikuti mumalowa mpweya to wash your nasty asses and skid marks….

 

Nde mukumavala ma skinny jeans… nkumati mamuna savala boxer… nde basitu… kumangosetela ma jeans omwewo…. Mutavala Malaya osokesa achitenje chaBillionaire mose mwayambira “boss, a drink bwa” mu club… Fuck you…

 
Nde paja kuli ma sweat pants kaya akumati joggers… komatu every fuck boy has to have one… muzioneka ngati mwanyeledwa… enanu mumakhala mwanyeledwa kumene… pinyapinya ndi botolo la mowa lomwelomwelo mu club…

 
Atsikana nawo nkupanda madziku kuchita kukanika “getting down” on the dancefloor chifukwa miyendo ikangoti tang’a koma fungo la bonya pa dancefloor… fungo la chikazi plus period plus thukuta plus ukala… kuchita kumulesa mamuna from giving you head chifukwa iiiih… that’s GBV on its own right there..

 

iiih water board ikanangokhululuka ndithu… ubwino wake mvula yayamba, tchinjilizani ma bucket’wo….
Iyayi, ife ku Pabwalo.NET (koma Mpambira, akuti we are now a network… I just think we are just into more swearing and our website looks pretty and badass) tili robust ndithu… we are alive and kicking…

 

Thank you for your patience and constantly checking on us… you perverts… anthu amaBodza inu.. even suggesting storylines… we love you… to all those who bad mouth us that tinatha, fuck you… inuyo osayambisa yanu bwa? Why not become writers bwa? Assholes.

 

Amene mumati we ran our course and no longer creative, fuck you, you ass wipes… enanu nde you didn’t want us to return kaya we offend you….you turds… Fuck you… you mother fuckers…

8 comments

  1. Koma ma hope, nde munasowatu,,,sheee…mpakana Igboro!!!!
    back to reality huh!!!!we surely missed your crazy ass ish stories mwava mahope?

    Like

  2. THIS IS DOPE WRITING..although am surprised you didn’t talk about your brief absence from fb from 25 October to 6 december when you re appeared..lol

    Like

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