aside Behind those Blue-Ticks

Koma palibe chinthu chowawa ngati munthu kukupanga blue tick, iwe busy kumadikira yankho, koma zero. Nde kakhale ka dona koti umafuna ukapase plan ya weekend; Ma drinks pa den yafrendzo kwinako ma out. You see, it is easier to rationalize a person missing your call other than being blue ticked. Missed call imatha kukhala kuti the person is driving, kapena alipenapake papokhoso, or maybe the phone is on silent. √√ simply tells me kuti wawelenga message koma ulibe nthawi yomandiyankha. Shupiti.

Worst still, you get  √√  koma munthu akuwonekabe online. Eh! Bitches can be cold. I’m not one to stress myself on such things, especially because I usually have back-up plans. Am I the only one who sends several ‘hallos’ to a list of babes on a Friday afternoon and waits for responses from any? It works I tell you. Obviously, tima √√ tiwiri titatu sitimalephera, koma at least 1 out of 5 respond in favor. Increase the list and you have at least 3 potential escorts for the night. But this is just the perspective of a bachelor trying to get laid. The same √√ that simply confirms non-interest to me could easily mean something entirely different kwa anthu ena.

Take for instance zibwenzi. If a guy texts his girl kuzawona ka √√ pamene paja with no response, ali ndi right yofufusa bwino bwino. Nyamata waphuma nde amayimbiratu phone pompo pompo. Ena amangozisiya. Truth be told, a real man should never get worked up over such silly things. Zimenezi kumasiyira mabebi. Like seriously, how would you explain your reason for being mad at bae to the boys? “Mkazi wandipanga blue-tick?”

Ladies on the other hand. Inu nde you have the right to go psychotic – not like you are not already. Nanji nanji bae akakhala out of town for the weekend. Chances are high that he is shagging some broad and therefore too busy to respond to your text. Ayankha akamaliza round yachitatu. Paja side chick timachindiratu ma round angapo. Bae imodzi imakwana. After round 3, Amvekere “ndinali mu meeting”. Yeah right – a meeting with some booty you mean.

Inuyo mabebi muli ndi opportunity through WhatsApp. √√ anayika kuti mudziwe ngati chizibambo chalandira text. Komanso anakuyikirani ‘last seen’. Palibe excuse. Osayiwalanso kupanga video call to make sure that you have a good look at the scenery. Bitch can’t hide forever.

On a serious note though, sometimes WhatsApp imatopesa. I sometimes think that these apps need to come with instructions. Just because I have WhatsApp, does not mean that I have to be online, all the time, and for YOU! Secondly, just cause I am online but not talking to you, does not mean that I am talking to another chick. The sad truth that women will never understand is that sometimes MUMATOPESA! Nthawi yina yake timafuna kucheza ndi anthu ena. LIFE DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU. Iwenso peza wako wocheza naye kaya. Uli ndi mzako modzi yekha kuma ‘favorites’?

I sometimes miss the dark ages of 100 free SMSs. Those days we could text all day and not be required to respond at that very moment. Imakhala chi long chain of texts exchanged in intervals of 10-30 mins each. That way, you could attend to day to day life activities while being in contact all day. WhatsApp nde ikangobwelesa √√. Bebi yayambe kale kudikira yankho.

I feel sorry for the men out there that have women at home doing nothing but raising their children. Iwo ndekuti amangokhala pa WhatsApp kupanga expect chattings all day, iwe uli busy kupanga hustle. Ukakanika kucheza naye, walakwa. Ukakanika kupanga hustle, wakanika. Basically, ndiwe wokanika.

Unappreciative bitches – Mahule osayamika.

Cheers √√


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