aside Big Daddy Bae’s guide to 2017 stuntin…

It seems folks are running out of ways to stunt on ‘em haters’ lately:

Back in primary school it used to be having the best snacks at break time (Simba crisps or rice n sausage)… ku secondary it was more like ‘having the best sports shoe’, ….for those of us who progressed to University it advanced into ‘ bonking (or giving the illusion of bonking )the hottest girls.

After college, it is all about employment; whether you are employed or not, the quality of your employer, ngati amakutumiza kupita kunja or not, what hotels you sleep in mukakhala ku ma workshop etcetera etcetera…girls are no longer a priority at this stage for any dude can afford any woman once atangopeza ntchito yokhazikika….true story…women become a commodity.

As soon as this gets old and people get used to life in the industrial world, mipikisano imalowa kuma party sopano; who throws the best parties, who has the most expensive liquor at their parties , nanga ma snacks ndi ma sausage ambiri amakhala kwa ndani?

On a special note:Tamvanso kuti enanu mwayamba kumapangirana mpikisano ndi masanje omwe…aini akewo akuti kumapangana invite ku ‘Brunch’ akutelo…kuzolowera kudya mem’mo wa ma 10 kumeneko? Inu ndi azilonda akwa makolo anu mukusiyana chani pa madyedwe anu? mukatelo nkumazitcha kuti ‘The Breakfast club’ ….kodi Brunch ndi breakfast nzofanana?….muzafela kusaziwa amalawi anzanga…olo mukumayankhula zizungu zaku Bambino.

a000000
nkhuli basi!

Akachoka pamenepo azijedana okha okha ‘eeh I didn’t like how wakuti did her sausages’….’iii that soup could have used a little more ginger’…kumazitenga ma master chef iwowo when in fact all they do is fry something then mix with mayonnaise later….nyopawo….kumakhala ngati tonse sitinakulire phala la likuni lomweli…anthu okuti munkadyaso mince meat kamodzi pa mwezi kwanu, eating on a budget and shit.

All of this is a food poisoning catastrophe waiting to happen you idiots.

All of the aforementioned is done not to gain any personal utility or pure pleasure but rather have that contented  feeling that ‘you’ are doing better than ‘wakuti’ or that you are better at something than ‘winawake

 

This is where the line between ‘friends’ and ‘haters’ becomes severely blurred.

People suddenly are friends out of physical convenience…i.e only when they are in the same place at the same time will they stop ‘jedalling’ each other.

But still, doing all this is never enough to ‘stunt’ on your’ frienemies’…

 

Want to know what  to do to hit the jackpot? How to really hit the spot with ‘em haters’?

Simply Join forces with someone of the opposite sex and have a wedding…preferably someone you already have kids with already…but anyone tolerable can do.

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Shumaye!!

 

Don’t get me wrong, sindinati kuti you should get married….no…that is different….that is a commitment…we are talking about a wedding day apa.

You know: 67000 likes on facebook, Bensam photography with close-ups of your averagely expensive wristwatch (you secretly bought in TZ I must add), riding and showing off cars that you shall never own in your life, forcing the  good folks chosen for your wedding party to match up to your ridiculous standards by buying expensive suits and shoes..anzanutu akumatenga ma loan kugwirizila ma ukwati anu…afiti inu

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I am talking about all that crap that affords you 2 months non ending posts of ‘that day’, ‘that dance’ ‘those shoes’….’groomsmen photographed by a bar counter drinking carlsberg beer from whisky glasses’ typo thing.

You know what?

That really shows haters!!!!

As a bonus you shall be accorded that sexy gold ring on your finger that acts a s a magnet to college girls aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand all your previous trespasses shall be forgotten (wiped clean) while your new and ever-growing trespasses shall be protected by ‘secret service men’ who want to preserve the sanctity of your marriage (whilst getting nothing out of it themselves)

I’m really looking forward to my wedding day I must say…I can already imagine the headlines:

BIGDADDYBAE MARRIES….(insert slut name here)…

As usual someone will think this article is ‘all about them’…because we are all supporting characters to the movie that is life and they are the main characters…

Go eat a dick!

I’m out.

3 comments

  1. I am talking about all that crap that affords you 2 months non ending posts of ‘that day’, ‘that dance’ ‘those shoes’….’groomsmen photographed by a bar counter drinking carlsberg beer from whisky glasses’ typo thing. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

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