aside Valentine’s and true love-a BigDaddieBae special

Hi, How are you doing today? Good? Having just a spectacular day so far? Maybe you are,  or maybe you aren’t. Maybe you’re having just a really, really shitty day.

But none of that will matter by the end of this article, because everyone will be on the same level (Big Daddy Bae will make sure of that) What level is that?…you ask my G…Well, the one where you’re questioning the validity of ‘true love’ and, really, whether its pursuit is worth it or not.

You’re welcome!!!

I mean, why not? Valentine’s Day is just around the corner hence this is a more suitable time than any other.

For starters; I have never cared much for the day or the modern interpretation of love in general anyway…

Everything ends up looking like a nicca is paying for sex at the end of it all. Lucky me, I have always managed to find myself single and completely unattached every Valentine’s day (7 years running), I must have one hell of a gangster guardian angel because I have never enjoyed paying for sex…except when I truly wanted to.

I mean look at it this way, initially it used to be just 3 days a chick was entitled to get pampered and spoiled by her boo, viz- Her birthday, Valentine’s and New year’s…and in those glorious days simple shit like kuvala zovala zofira, love letters, roses, a telephone call, maybe ‘at most’ a meal and some ice cream at kips were sufficient. Everyone would leave satisfied and energized   till next time.

no longer relevant!

Sizamasiku ano….mamamamamama!…game zikwanje!

Welcome to the technological era where girls are entitled to getting mollycoddled by their pitiable/unfortunate boyfriends on their (clears throat) birthdays, new year’s, Valentine’s, his (boyfriend’s) birthday, their mother’s birthday, his mother’s birthday, their father’s birthday, his father’s birthday, weekends, enaso mpaka Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays…need I go on?

new dawn!

And when I talk of getting pampered here I’m talking about going all out, the whole deal, osati such ancient frivolities as flowers or a simple meal…tikukamba zopita out kukanyekhulirana kukamalizisa ku chez typo thing…shisha and shawarmas included.

Apo nde akuti kuonesana chikondi cheni cheni…either that or get an illusion that unadya nawo money ya cashgate nkumapita kunyanja for a whole weeknd…#baecation things

What do the dudes get in return?

A stable sexual calendar and a whole lot of instagram pictures.

Hence the whole thing is an affair of guys spending money and time while the girls give ass and takes a shit load of selfies.

Icho nde chibwezi chamasiku ano…

Hombres are ending up investing a lot of money on girlfriends ngati kuti akupanga develop/maintain plot ya malo, nanga munthu weekend ina iliyonse is expected to come up with some sort of plan, whatever it takes kukanyekhulirana and take selfies pa chinsalu cha ku club cockpit chija.

‘checking in’

I don’t care how much money a random chap is worth, it’s still expensive! No wonder fellas nowadays sakumawapasa mpata azimayiwa: the demand for girlfriend sex is at an all-time high…and still growing…eyetu they better be getting their money’s worth…there is no such thing as a free six pack of ‘Guarana’…girlfriend better be giving some…and this applies to all girls not just girlfriends- if a dude graciously invites you over for some drinks and braai, then later go clubbing, you bet he is counting on some reward later.

Nde mzimayi wina uzimana akatundu akowo, munthu wakuspendela molapisa, chimakhala chili chani? Anthu ankaphunzisidwa ufiti kale tili ana muja si inu?

Enaso nde kumathesa zibwezi mamuna ataspendamo zochuluka…kodi all past investments zimene amuna tapanga mwa inu simumapanga consider mukamaganiza zothesa chibwezi? Kapena you only consider your fragile feelings and minor details like whether a guy has been faithful etc? feelings can change tu, spent money can’t come back…yet you waltz over to another dude like nigga didn’t spend hundreds of thousands on your unappreciative ass.

But I understand that the error is not within females but rather with love itself…

Love gives you an illusion that someone is wholly yours when you are spending a decent amount of time and resources cossetting said person. But the fact still remains; ako ndi makolo ndi azibale ako basi…everyone else is fair game…si choncho Riaan?

Large expectations of love will always create frustrations….proven!

Otherwise mulungu anakangotigayila dongo lake aliyese azizilengera yekha partner wake…right down to the specifics. No one is loyal no more…so it seems(unless some chick wants to prove me wrong by dating me and satisfying whatever I want and expect of her….anyone?)

I figure I’m not the only malawian of our species to think so chifukwa nde people are cheating like their nyere is on steroids…everyone is a sidechick or sideboo to someone…we all seem to be conjuring and summoning our inner ‘f*ck boys’.

Koma zabobho

Ndalama mukuba ma ofesi mu has to be spent somehow.

The end…

koma my God I’m a ‘G’…I never chose this, it chose me (side note to the haters)


  1. ha ha ha…ati minor details whether the guy was faithful and Idiot my Pabwalo T-shirt. it hs proven to be a chick magnet in cockpit ma swazi in pabwalo T-shirt dancing with 2 chicks mwina akugoti ameneyu nde Katakwe uja…lol


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