aside Birthday Reflections

Sooo I turned 29 on…wait a minute… the one time I was supposed to bhebha with #29on29 it never happened! Well, in case some of you didn’t know, I am a leap year baby born on 29th February 1988. I have been cursed with celebrating my birthday on the real date once every four years, meaning if I were to be literal, I am 7 years old.

But I dont look seven at all… the body keeps on growing and also my years apparently. I have boobs .. . very healthy pubic hair and I have been having my period for 16 years.

Healthy crop

Any who.. . This year I was not excited about my birthday at all. Not that I hate getting “older” but I got to reflect on what comes with getting older.

Over the past year and this year mostly it has hit me, hard, that I am actually an ADULT… I mean all of us at least from 25 and above, we are there folks, takula… we are adults.

Birthdays aren’t the only events we are looking forward to these days… a lot of stuff going on; weddings, babies being born, promotions and so forth. We have so much to celebrate… Birthdays are hyped when it’s 25 or 30 honestly. During the year we celebrate and turn up soooo much that a mere 27th birthday just feels like another Friday. We are there, takula.

It’s not only about the celebrations, we are experiencing grown up people problems now. We are losing parents and guardians every single day. This year alone four of my closest friends have lost a parent and it’s only March. To get the news that kholo ladwala and is in the hospital we feel unsettlement in our stomachs cause we know they might not make it. As we are getting older so are our parents and that’s not exciting AT ALL. Tafikapo, we are adulting.

Ndipo anthufe tasiya kudwala Malungo, zifuwa ndi zimfine… inde tikumadwala but now these are no longer threats. We are now getting admitted every time we get sick and it’s not malaria anymore. This year alone I have visited three of my closest friends admitted in the hospital with drips and tubes that fed them and took out excrement from their bodies, on the brink of death. To see someone who is very energetic and lively confined on a hospital bed… cant laugh or turn or text. It’s the livers… the kidneys… the lungs… these serious bacterial infections that are leading to surgeries and we are only what? 28…29… 31? Tafikapo… takula.

Our life styles are changing even… we no longer fight and strive to fit in, we are no longer forcing friendships. We are no longer pretending for people to like us… we are being ourselves and if people don’t fall in line with that we are letting them go and creating families with people that do fall in line and love us for us. We are at a point where if something smells like shit then it probably is shit… we are no longer making excuses for other people… you want to be in my life, you will show it. Tili ndi mavuto ambiri anthufe like I said, we are going through grown up problems and we want people around us who will step up when we do get admitted… when our parents die… when we are delivering our babies… going through those miscarriages… getting that promotion. Osati zinzake zomabhebha occasionally kaya when you are single only mukagwidwa basi all those around you are useless. Zimenezo ndi za ana ama early twenties… enafe tafikapo… takula.

Takula… ine pano ndafika poti when I see a relative calling I take a few seconds before picking up because I think it’s bad news. I think they are calling to ask for money or that my grandparent is in the hospital or has died. Really. I dread calls from relatives. Why else would they call when we text on WhatsApp just fine on the family group? What it is now? Ndichiyani? To hear from your relatives is now a burden. We are responsible for fees yawinawake… tikusonkha nawo ndalama za ukwati wa brother or sister wathu. Having money is no longer fun. Takula… we are adults.

I cant even have a normal conversation with a family member without it leading to the question “tivina liti?” It’s shocking to them that I am a 29 year old educated, employed and an independent woman who is not married yet. They absolutely cannot be happy for me for all those achievements until I get married and have kids. How do I tell my dad who dreams of walking me down the aisle… my mom who dreams of being supadi ku bridal shower… my aunt who dreams of hosting the bridal party for lunch… my grandmother who dreams of holding chidzukulu tudzi in her arms… how do I tell them that marriage is not a goal for Me? That it will happen when it happens. How do I tell them that I have my own dreams and getting married is the last on the list… kumachita kuopa kupita ku ma family gathering cause you will be the subject of every topic… haha… takula.

The definition of fun has changed… osajijilika kupita out, kumapezeka mwaswera all night mpaka 2am at somebody’s house playing cards. People spending most of their free time in the gym, banting, kaya dieting while at the same time on those harsh hormonal contraceptive methods working  against the body… mose wayambila jogging ndi aerobics koma dzimasaya phwamu… kukula’tu uku.  Even how we have sex has changed…. it’s no longer mediocre. You don’t settle for ka 2 minute session in the car unless it’s an actual adventure with bae kuti change of scenery. We are having grown up sex yomachita kufunsa kuti “ndizimise magetsi? Or not?” Kumachita kuti “iiih… be on top first… I was on top last time” kumachita kudziwa kuti lero tikometsa lero… tipanga zinthu. We are asking for what we want now… no mediocre. Takulatu.

Mu fridge mukumakhala zakudya pano… osati half cut onions and dried up carrots but actual food. Kumanyamuka ndithu kuti I’m going grocery shopping and buying the nice stuff. Kumakhala ndi yoghurt, cheese, kiwi, mu fridge nyamata… People actually settling now… for those boring ass “marriage material” women and men who you are not particularly in love with. Munthu omachita kusowa naye nkhani… sooo predictable and by the book… oti  the most fun you have is when other people are around. Mukakhala awiri it’s either mukugona or watching a movie. Yes… settling is growing up… trading your happiness to be a cliche. Taking risks is for Ana… choosing happiness is risky… tafikapo… takula.

That’s how I spent my phantom birthday.. . It wasn’t fun at all. I spent time thinking and formatting my life. As much as I am not looking forward to “growing up” our experiences are leading us that way… we are already there. It’s the little things that make us “us” that will never change and that make other people say that “sitizakula” like fighting for things that aren’t ours… staying hopeful for hopeless things… clothes we shouldn’t be wearing but hey… it’s my style… Taking tequila shots… Lol… but honestly, we are there… we are adults now. So a not so happy 29th birthday to me… I used to laugh at my 1987 friends last year kuti they are turning 30 this year and yet it’s me next year… the big 30. We are there. Takula.


  1. Happy birthday to u sugar, kale timati kiss to kiss,,,,kkkkk
    ma hope apa nde ndifusila basi,,ndaonatu kuti at tymz,,thr is wisdom in that head,really enjoyd reading this,what a reality check,straight tok…

    chaka chino ndikufusilani basi


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