aside Is Big Daddy Bae eating ‘unripe mangoes?’

So word has been going around town that the biggest of daddies ‘Bae’ is gradually metamorphosing into ‘Big SugarDaddy Bae’….akuti ndikusosola tiwana osati masewera!

I would like to address these preposterous and ridiculous accusations…

First and foremost; who really is a young girl?  What really constitutes underage vagina?

As you would rightfully guess dear reader, there is no plurality when it comes to ‘this girl is too young for you’ sentiments; all arguments are more or less personal and tagged with subjectivity.

What and who is young to you might be deemed mature for me and vice versa.

In Malawi however the legal maturity mark for both sexes stands at 18 years of age…but as we very well know, girls mature faster than boys, hence it has never been uncommon in this country for dames to get hitched at 16, regardless of our government’s present policy of ‘no to child marriages’


The rumours still stand though; akuti Big Daddy Bae AKA ‘the TEYIGREEN of Ntcheu’ has been sampling a lot of unripe mangoes lately.

mangoes 2

Granted I’ve been seen around town with a 17 year old or two, but last I checked ‘Samanunkha mkodzo’….so what gives?

And in any case, nobody brings birth certificates ku ma club, nde anthu mumaziwa bwanji kuti ‘BDB’ ndi gulu lake la akometsi akutchila ndi ti ma children?….kodi anthu mukumasungira database yatiwana mumakwalalamu?

I understand that there is a certain demographic of men out there who have assorted child related fetishes; I am talking about 35+ year old noblemen who are actively into sixteen year old chicks and that sort of thing. I equally hold disgust with such activities and do think such offenders deserve stiffer punishments.

But to associate me with that sort of mischief is just plain unfair.

Just because I am employed, have a semblance of a pot belly , reside in Ntcheu, ndili nchimutu chachikulu and like to fraternize with college chicks here and there don’t make me a Blantyre lawyer….ooops! meant to say a ‘chidyamakanda’…mbatatesi/kachewere (potato patato)

Do you gossip mongers even know my age? Mwina these young ones do actually fall within my ‘nut range’….musangodiwona kukula chithupi chi, ndinetu ka Rashford

The other question should be ‘why is it an assumption that every chick  you see me with ku out ndekuti ndikubonza?’

Olo udolo uli apo, don’t you think that sometimes all these ‘Young girls’ need is a big brother figure to help provide direction in their social and academic endeavours?

mangoes 3

For me and my crew, we are always ready to provide guidance. Most of you don’t know this but timakhala tikupereka ma tutorials and brotherly counseling on several issues:

Ana wa amakhala akutidandaulira za ku deni kwao, ma divorce amakolo awo, mavuto a zibwenzi zawo ndi zina zotero….so what if ‘kuwathira nkhoko’ is utilized as psychotherapeutic tool to help them process their ‘little girl’ problems? I’ll have you know that ‘penis’ has been consistently effective as a remedy and catalyst for maturity….eyetu mbolo is that bridge that conveys a cute 17 year old into a sexy 19 year old…true story.

Komaso, why should we all be nepostic about age when it comes to sexual matters?

Zimayamba chonchitu, next thing you know fresh rumours will start flying round kuti ‘Big Daddy Bae’ sopano akuphaka a Sena.

We can do better as a society……….race, tribe, religion and age should no longer be reasons to frown over when it comes to mchindo

Ine nde I take the ‘It starts with me’ principle very seriously.

So if I am to be judged by my peers  kuti what I’m doing or representing is unsavoury, then so be it.

Ambiriso mukufalisanu ndi azimayi okuti nanuso panthawi yanu ankakudyerani ndi mchere, kenaka the attention faded way back and y’all just bitter and kufuna kuphwesera on tiwana tathuti.

Anawa si onse okuti tikumawadyera mnchere so…enawa tikumawapanga achaar nkumaphatikiza ku ndiwo zeni zeni monga nkhuku zathu za lokolo zobadwira mu ma 80s kuti mwina kupanga improve ka flavor (wink wink)….enawa tikumavundika, kudikira that day azaphye bobho..

Lekani tiwana tidze kwa Big Daddy Bae

mangoes 4



  1. I see you are taking this very personally. As long as you aren’t doing anything illegal, it’s no one’s business who you choose to be seen with or even choose to be with for that matter.

    Spread your wings, (I will not call you big baddy bae) bro. Just stay away from, ‘unripe mangoes.’ (that’s a new one)


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