aside Big Daddy Bae Master baits

Alcohol and masturbation are both proofs that god loves us and wants us to be happy. And he has spoiled us with endless choices and techniques for each respectively.

But today boys and girls the floor belongs to only one of these ‘snacks’. We are here to peruse over that one which is more universal; the one so called ‘sin’ which even hardcore born again Christians look forward to committing after a hearty night of prayer…the number one stress reliever! Yes, the undisputed best way man can reward himself! Uh huh, indeed the Yuri Boyka of all forms of loving yourself…

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Big Daddy Bae is here to talk about masturbation after so much public demand, Pabwalo fans you have been heard! This one is for you…kunja kukuzizira uku

Now, suffice to say that I usually conduct some sort of research or refresher training before I produce most of my articles, but be rest assured that for this masturbation themed article no sort of refresher ‘active’ research was conducted prior to this article….nor is happening right now….as I type…you believe me don’t you?

Anyhow…what can I write about masturbation really? Every one of us deserves a PhD in the field so don’t expect to hear anything new here…enanu mumachita kuyipukusa ngati kuti akupasani a research grant into the workings of self-induced orgasms..

I am just here to remind every Malawian young male (and a few 40 year olds) of the idiosyncrasies and quirks of this most ancient martial art:

For starters, every self-deserving masturbator has a designated wiper…yes guys si inu nokha amene mumakhala mukusungira ma tshirt akale akale or old boxers (a ufa ufa ndi umuna wanu wakale) for the sake of wiping viscous sperm off your member…

girls might think this disgusting but let us very well have them know that this is the case because waterproof laptops to take into the shower do not exist yet and let’s just say most of us enjoy doing ‘it’ while synchronically watching or going through some sort of ‘visual aid’ via laptop, t.v, Phone or magazine…

and we choose not to wash the designated wiper (s) because that’s disgusting, who do you think we are?…oh by the way ma pant ama ex-girlfriend oti anayiwala kwanu kale kale do make great quality wipers…so I’ve heard

Which brings me to the next item, visual aids:

Every healthy masturbator should always be stacked with some sort of emergency visual aid which might not always necessarily mean porn…I know of guys who get off on ‘condom user instructions’ (just reading out the instructions coupled with the discreet illustrations gets them off)…ena zithunzi za azi auntie awo, enaso akuti just listening to nyimbo za ‘Milako Chinga’ does it for them…who are we to judge really?…it all depends on what tickles your fancy..basi

Identify that one thing, be it a porn video clip or picture of your favourite farm animal…whatever really, but remember to keep hold of it and never let go. Never take an excellent porno for granted, most of us have made the mistake of deleting ngini ikatopesa and then regretting much later…

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even when it starts to disgust you, tangoyisungani penapake, muzayifuna day ina yake…on that note guys mundithandizeko ine mzanu, ndili ku Bunda kale kale kunali ka filimu kochitisa kaso kenakake titled ‘Commandos nyondex’, amene ali nako pilizi chonde contact me, I am asking for a friend…enanu paja muma mana porno ngati kuti munthu amakaonera zimene zimakufikani pa ntima panu zimakhala ngati kuti akukuchindirani mkazi..

The one confusion that most of us have to regards to masturbation is where to draw the line between a health ‘god-given’ past time and an obsession.

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Really, how does one know when ‘it’ should be labeled a problem? Is it something people consciously decide to overdo (like food) or is it something people gradually unknowingly slip into (like cocaine)?

Whatever the case all I know is that it’s only a problem ngati munthu umachedwa chedwa ku ntchito chifukwa chakubunyula, olo kapena kuti ukakhala in social settings like kubhawa umakhala maganizo ako ali kutali looking forward to going back home to be alone and masturbate….zinthu ngati zimenezo that’s when it’s a problem…

Masturbation is fun guys…

I hope nobody seriously thinks kuti nakagwila kaye ndisanayambe kulemba

Go masturbate guys…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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