Gender based violence is real and has no justification whatsoever.
So it was with sadness and shock that Big Daddy Bae got aware of the unfathomable extents that this very disgusting vice has been carried out by some of our countrymen in this here Republic of Malawi.
It has been all over our mainstream media and even attracted rather interesting protests, we are all aware of this.
I would like to think that a healthy percentage of our population is vehemently opposed to any sort of violence, especially when its gender based in this particular context. Whether we are according the adequate attention and sensitization required to combat this social ill is not the basis of this article, I am not about to start lecturing on the various intricacies of gender equality nor pose myself as an expert on social matters.
However I am found here typing away on my laptop, bringing your attention back to this subject because of one particular occurrence;
‘twas a hot summer’s day in Lilongwe city during one of these recent Saturdays and Big Daddy Bae was in town to stock up on his monthly supply of bacon and expensive condoms (Ntcheu Boma only offers your standard hairy ‘Ganda’ pork and Manyuchi condoms)
So naturally I found myself by the food and condom mecca that is Gateway mall and commenced the procurement of the above mentioned essential s that make my stay in Ntcheu a little more bearable and are ever-reminding mementos of where I came from(I don’t need to remind you that I was born in the U.S of A, Michigan state, traditional authority Mcclarkin, east Lansing village)
I had breezed through most of my shopping and decided to cool down with a beer by the terrace outside Acres pub before making headway plans to return to my base in Ntcheu district.
So there I was, a solitary figure sitting at a table, sipping my Carlsberg green as shoppers went back and forth through the entrance into Gateway mall where acres pub is situated.
I was lost in my thoughts, probably thinking about evasive strategies to keep my Ntcheu friend(let’s just call him ‘Duntu’) from knowing about my replenishment of bacon and other fancy food stuffs only accessible in our country’s major cities….that guy frankly eats too much and has no respect of boundaries for other people’s refrigerators.
When suddenly I was roused from my meditation by a hand tapping on my table.
I looked up and found a female face looking down at me smiling, I smiled back and tried to recollect what kind of acquaintance I had met this girl previously…was she a MAGU student?, an ex-fling? Where we cousins?
But she soon initiated conversation, ‘hello’
‘hi!’, I greeted her back promptly
‘you are Big daddy Bae from pabwalo right?’
So now it made sense, this was just another of Big Daddy Bae’s multitude of diehard fans, I have quite gotten used to the fame and being identified so I started fumbling in my shorts’ pockets in search of the pental marker I always carry around me for writing autographs and what not…eish, this celebrity life
However before I could fish out the pen she had dragged a chair and taken a seat close to me at the table…
Then she was like ‘ I picked you out from your Pabwalo Tshirt’
So that’s what gave me away, Pabwalo tshirts are extremely catchy and trendy that they always catch people’s attention.
So I was like ‘ auuuw, would you like to order your very own Pabwalo custom tagged Tshirt? They are only MK6500’
She replied ‘nah, not right now, but do you have time for gender rights?’
She then proceeded to give me a background of a facebook movement she had co-created with two of her friends and how they were all over social media posting and giving commentaries on the recent spates of gender based violence in the country.
And she was like I should check out their facebook page right there and then,
She was kind of pretty so I complied, and the first post I saw on their page went something like “men why are you beating and killing us, pick on your own size”
Immediately I lost any further interest of trying to know her intellectually and sexually because candidly speaking stupidity is a very big turnoff for Big Daddy Bae and he holds no compromises over it.
So I posed a question to her ‘don’t you think it’s a little offensive to generalize all men as active or potential perpetrators of gender based violence? And why add the part for us men to pick on our own size? Shouldn’t we all be against all sorts of violence in our society rather than suggest acceptable sparring partners?’
She then went off about how with all men no one can really be sure and even reached the extent of theorizing that all men were guilty of creating and enabling a conducive environment for GBV against women.
She was now shouting loudly and gesticulating wildly, so I started to become aware of our surroundings as our little altercation was now attracting glances from the myriad moving crowd of shoppers around us, plus she had this crazy glint in her eye…who knows how this was going to end out.
I then asked if she knew any victim of GBV personally, to which she replied that she had only heard of the cases in the newspapers and social media but also that her boyfriend beats her and sometimes does so in public.
I was like whoa!!!
So this made sense, she surely is part of the young women delegation that vent out their frustrations with their shitty boyfriends and husbands on the entire male population and overexploit other people’s personal tragedies to promote their social standing on facebook and twitter….the modern day ‘Joans of arc’
It’s a free country and yes it is everyone’s duty to speak out against gender based violence. But let’s do it intelligently and avoid over-sensationalizing to sway people’s attention away from the real issues at hand but instead to how radical someone thinks they are, kuti mwina they can become the next internet authority on all gender matters.
I’m sure there is a sexy position “awaiting” for some of you at UN-WOMEN or FAWEMA but online job recruitments sizimayenda choncho…FYI
And it’s just plain insensitive to utilize the pain and misfortune of others willy nilly in your campaigns without consideration of the effect that might cause on the said victims…have some compassion, there are ways in which you can provide awareness in a gentrified and respectable manner, we are not all rabid dogs.
Also, some of y’all should maybe consider tackling incidents closer to home, like let’s say ‘dumping that wife beating jerk of a boyfriend/husband of your’s and reporting him to the police then sharing your experience unequivocally as you do za anthu ena’
‘Kufuna kutchuka ndi being an always willing victim’ nkumene kwavuta
Otherwise let us keep up the noise but at least bring some intelligence into it to effectively and sustainably combat gender based violence out of our society.
Back to the story, the girl had been shouting and spitting in my face for a full half an hour now, and I was looking for an exit strategy..
Then suddenly a Team kwezy Coach appeared in the parking lot beneath us and I grabbed the glaring opportunity
‘sorry my bus is here, I have to go grab my seat’ I pronounced as I stood up and started to organize my plastic bags of shopping.
Then she was like ‘nde simutigulira drink?’ with a lustful gaze towards my wallet…
I called the waiter over, paid my bill, ordered a pink cocktail for my unwelcome companion, took her number and scooted over to procure myself a ridiculously priced MK12,000 ticket for the Lilongwe –Ntcheu fare all because I wanted to escape from the monkey brain that was this gender activist…
At least we are sexting on the regular now, but don’t tell the boyfriend, he might beat her up again,