One night in Ntcheu, during one particularly prolonged ESCOM power blackout Big Daddy Bae suddenly got horny.
This was around 10:30 PM and it was pitch black dark outside.
I explored my options:
Neither one of my laptops possessed enough juice to facilitate a video clip or two to guide my way into self-induced orgasm, plus it meant that I had to clean myself afterwards, nde maziso analiso asakutuluka and I had just run out of tissue paper to enable a wipe down of my rod after ‘use’.
Ndinaganizilaso ma boxer ndi malaya akutha but alas one of the temporary cleaning ladies I engage had rounded up all those and committed to the ‘dzala’
The masturbation gods were not with me, this was not a night to self-pleasure.
Reluctantly I reached out for my phone and quickly located ‘Jiva’ my trusted Ntcheu taxi driver(who coincidentally is also Ntcheu district’s only taxi driver).
He promptly answered my call and I whence summoned him…. Uncle B Nightclub & Resthouse was gonna have to do by default…nyere zinali zili m’malere.
I quickly put on a hoodie and track-pants, then rounded up my haphazard condom collection; 2 manyuchi and 1 rough rider…ndi amene anali osalira mu condom drawer yanga.
As soon as I finished, Jiva had just drawn up outside my house so I quickly vacated the premises, locked up and then joined him in the car:
Jiva: yes biggie
Me: wawatu phiri, tandiponyeni pa uncle B pa, sindikakhalisapo mukandidikilire , maximum 8 minutes
We had undertaken so many similar missions together that he needed no further clarification of what it was specifically I was going to do at Uncle B.
Silence commenced in the car as you very well know reader kuti it is always an awkward situation when one is being ferried to engage in some sexual activities.
Then Jiva broke the silence,
Jiva: koma mafana okuti mwakula mofewa, enanu nkumabadwira pa yusa ngati inuyo, zinthu zimangoyenera kuyenda basi
Me: mmmmh ankolo zinthu zitha kumuyendera wina aliyense
He then proceeded to explain how he thought being born in Malawi and especially poor is like a curse and a sentence to a rough ride later on in life
Jiva even went so far as to theorize that if he had been granted the opportunity to select nationality before birth he could have opted for something other than Malawian or African in the broad sense, what with the poverty, power cuts, water shortages etcetera
I shot back and started to relay examples of Malawians who had emerged out of humble backgrounds and where now killing it on the international scene: the William Kamwambas(boy who harnessed the wind), the Matthews Ntumbukas, the bushiris, the Simbis etcetera
Surely them being Malawian had nothing and still has nada to do with their current success and wealth.
I’m very certain that issues of national identity, race, ethnic background, economic background and the like have nothing to do with the proliferation of someone’s future success in life.
Of course some had it tougher growing up or starting out in life, but that should not be an excuse to express bitterness over one’s failure to meet his ambitions or expect praise and worship for making it despite having adversities.
It all simply boils down to ‘you’ and how well you utilize/alter the resources and circumstances at the present time to realize your personal goals, no need to worry about the past because we are not there anymore…if you care so much about it write a memoir or an autobiography and see how many people will care.
I have frequently expressed in my articles that we are a very negative people as a nation, though we tend to do it passively, but still negative none the less…
Case in point; the issues surrounding Lilongwe’s version of Big Daddy Bae; Mr Tay Grin AKA Awilo le tay.
I have on several occasions made fun of this guy but all in all its been pure innocent banter, what I hold for this gentleman is deep respect and appreciation for his efforts to promote himself and chase his dreams.
Arguably he is someone with a tireless drive to utilize and make most of what is available to him and then create something unique.
A lot of people declare that this self-proclaimed American born individual (just like myself) has no real talent and that there are far better deserving musicians with real talent…only that akuluwa kwao nkwa dollar.
So what if he is not your cup of tea or brand of mesh? So what if he comes from a privileged background?
Is it his fault kuti your talented rappers anakula movutika and do not possess his investment power? What do you want him to do? Donate his money and BMW to some straight outta Nkolokosa rapper who thinks the Malawian nation owes him something because he can nicely rhyme ‘BHAWA’ with ‘Blantyre clock tower?’
Za uchitsiru basi!
To each their own, enawo chabwino akhale ndi talent yawowo and continue cursing the universe for their unrealized potential.
Frankly speaking , Tay’s music isn’t exactly my preferred genre or something that I lose my head over, but I cannot ignore him, no one can, mufune musafune koma ngati ukufuna zikuyendere mu kabudula you better learn how to bang your head to ‘Tola’ and ‘Kanda’ very fast, these are the anthems of both cheap MAGU girls and sophisticated feminists alike…best believe
That’s what happens when people work hard and strategically utilize their resources, they become international stars and laugh at their critics all the way to the salon.
With talent alone, zinthu sizingayende achakulungwa, its high time talent started to work hard in this country…shout out to Bossaro Music group, Faith Mussa,Patience Namadingo, Fredokiss and those ndirande martial artists who have gone viral online…nonsenu tikuonani and appreciate your tireless efforts even though most of you are co-running your music careers with day to day jobs mmataunimu.
Enanuso munatidyera mahope athu aku chanco 2 minutes inayake kale kale but that’s water under the bridge now, Big daddy Bae forgives.
Oh! By the way Jiva got me safely at Uncle B and it was that night I ate a ‘Burundian’…refer to the story ‘Big Daddy Bae eats a Burundian’ in the articles collection on this site