aside Zimandinyasa

If anything that is written in this article reminds you of yourself or a similar experience then I am probably talking about you kumene, nde disclaimer yamasiku ano. If the shoe seems to fit then rock that motherfucker good.

That being said and out of the way, let me first tell you something about myself that most people don’t seem to know. I am a very observant and attentive human being. I am always aware of my surroundings even when I don’t need to be. Its an OCD thing, I cant help it. I notice things and can deduct (well, not like Sherlock Holmes, but close enough). I am able to calculate, understand and to a certain extent predict someone’s behavior. Because of this,  I easily get annoyed. Lets just say kuti zinthu zimandinyasa mwachangu.

Zimandinyasa when some people in the minibus for example pretend like minibus’yo ndiya agogo awo like they have no idea kuti they need to pay something. I mean ndikakwera minibus, I know ndikuyenera kulipira so I have the money close by. Ikakhala a routine one,  kaya to and from work, I even know the cost. So I have the money close by m’manja most of the times. Ndikakwera kumibawa kuja for example kuti ndikuvaya Limbe, I know kuti tikamayandikira Queens then the conductor will ask for money right….? Well zimandinyasa when some people act surprised kuti they have to pay, basi azamuyang’ane conductor uja for 30 minutes, start fishing in their pockets or wallets and purses for 2 hours then pay. Samadziwa kuti alipire? Zimandinyasa.

Passengers pass their fares to minibus taxi driver Zakes Hadebe as they commute from Soweto township to central Johannesburg
Kodi mesa ulendowu ndi waulele?

Nde pali anthu apa ATM. ATMs attract daft people sindinaoneko. Chimakhala chiyani munthu uli ndi VISA card yoti you can pretty much withdraw money from any ATM koma munthu standing pa mzere for 30 minutes just to bargain with the ATM to tell you your balance or withdraw K3000 only? Ndichiyani? Zimandinyasatu. Mwina anthu you will say maybe anatumidwa by someone -Iyayi, anthu ambiriwa amakhala kuti ndiyawo ATM card’yo and its their money koma basi kupepela.

Ndiokhaokhawo omati machine yatulusa 80 thousand kwacha iwo n’kukhala pompo and start counting the money, nde kuti olo chitakubela chimachine’cho nde umukwenya ndani pamenepo? Ndipo enawa omakhala ngati kuti sanaoneko ATM, kumaswerapo pamenepaja ngati akusewera pa slot machine ku casino, mose ayambira kutobwanya, searching and pressing buttons. I mean for fucks sake, how many buttons does the machine have for people to get confused pamenepaja? Don’t get me wrong, some really don’t know and I respect people who ask for help from the guard or the person behind them. Koma mbuli zinazi zimangotichedwesa and zimandinyasa.

ATM-queue
Basi wina kukayan’ana balance ya K200

Ndiye munawaona anthu ena m’ma social media’mu like Facebook who have a lot of time on their hands? Okuti ali in several groups on Facebook kuti chomwe amapanga iwo is post and troll posts in the name of “anon” (Anonymous). Anthu amenewa amandinyasa. Too many asking for advice, tips, solutions to things they can either just as easily google and get responses quickly or ask people they trust to really help but NO. They just attract the same type of attention seekers and trolls. Basi post kufika 1000 comments nkhani yake ma “Q” and people asking what the hell and who the hell it is. Zimandinyasa.

Zimandinyasa ndikagula dzima freezes amapanga K50 dzija, ndiye ndimutsegule,  take out a huge bite from the icy goodness then chiphwatuke kumusiku and the rest of the block of freezes falls to the ground. Who the hell makes those cheap-ass packets anyway? This is why I have trouble getting behind this “buy Malawi” bullshit. I mean the new crisps from Universal Industries for example, pretty ass packaging mwina kuponsaso Lays, koma kutsegula flavor ya tomato kupeza kuli salt and vinegar and ti crisps topsyerela nde amati ndichiyani iwowo kwenikweni? Ku Malawi kuno kulibe mbatatesi zabwinobwino zikulu-zikulu? Zoona ma vendor ogulisa “dry chips” aja aziwaposa aUniversal Industries kupanga crisp? Zimandinyasa.

Ndiye ndikati ndikambe zama WhatsApp group uku. I mean, someone creates a prayer group for example, which is just meant for prayer and other related information but Nooooo. There are always those people who have lots of time, huge bundles and “forward happy fingers” that begin to share dry jokes, memes, fake warning messages and shit like that. Mwina mundiyankhe ndi inu, chimakhala chili chiyani? Are they that excited to be in a group? Do they have lives? Do they feel relevant when they share some joke or warning message? Basi asaone ngozi, nthawi yomweyo forward to all groups they belong to, zero regard of where they are sending. Ma wrong parking mbwee. Ine ndiye zimandinyasa.

Ka gulu kena ka anthu especially girls who love posting pictures on FB kaya Instagram. It’s the same ass pictures of their faces basi and the same favorite places; be it in a car or pa window pawo where there is good light. The least you can do is change your clothes chifukwa some of those outfits tinatopa nazo. Your memories from 3 years ago are about the same ass pose, same face and same clothes anyway. Nde akati ayike caption yosagwirizana ndizomwe zikuchitika; a selfie with their cleavage showing and their tongue out with a caption “The God of major 3 is able”. Able to do what? Give you boobs? What? Nde mumati mukutani? Zimandinyasa.

blessed
All things are possible with the lord almighty

Kagulu ka anthu omayika malonda pa social media and omitting important information like the Price of their product kenaka nkumafuna kuti anthu aziwafunsa mtengo wake ku inbox and on their post and them not replying at all. kwenikweni iwowa amati akutani? Is it attention seeking, kufuna ma notification or what? Simaganizo akumatako amenewa? Ndiye ndikakuonani enanu desperate for the information mose mwayambira asking and asking, mumanditopesa, inuyo ndi eni ake apost’yo nonsenu mumandinyasa.

Like I said, me noticing some of these things kumakhala kuti I cant help it, zimandinyasa basi. When I notice some of the the things mentioned; I try to understand. I try to get into their heads to understand why they do it or why these things happen. I just get headaches and get annoyed. Zimandinyasa. Mwina mutatithandize and help me understand ndi inu chifukwa sindimamvesa. This is a cry for help chifukwa nde zimandinyasa.

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