aside BigDaddybae does Blantyre pt2

Where did we leave off the story again?

Yes, the biggest of daddies Bae was sat on the disgusting couches at club fifteen surrounded by stained cushions and equally filthy Blantyre people, who were now out-maneuvering each other with fake accents. By now I had got it all figured out that any ’high school-jacuzzi’ accent (phony or not) will get you the nearest Blantyre girl within your radius….especially the employed ones, these heifers seem to compensate their empty godless souls with penis, alcohol and food gluttony.

heavy duty heifers

But you know Big Daddy Bae- ‘he don’t love these whores’
So I was busy sipping my Jamey- two shots-with-ice while attentively listening to Patali (oops I mean bossaro cyclone) who was now erratically throwing one business proposal after another my way…

Cyclone: “kodi biggie how come you don’t invest in my career?”

BDB : “What career are you speaking of Bossaro?”

NOTE TO READER; ALL MALAWIAN URBAN MUSICIANS EITHER HAVE NORMAL JOBS OR HAVE RICH PARENTS TO HELP PUT ACTUAL FOOD ON THE TABLE AND LOAD AIRTIME INTO THEIR PHONES, SIMPLY PUT RAPPING AND RnB SINGING ARE JUST SIDE HOBBIES ENGAGED BY GROWN ASS MEN WHO GET PAID SALARIES EITHER FROM BANKS, NGOs, FIRMs, COMPANIES OR THEIR PARENTS…

akakhala ma female artists nde amangobwatisa (boil)kwa ma biggie..
Anyway back to our story-

Cyclone: “my music career boss, I want to go solo…ndikuona ngati adha ena aja akundidyera masuku pamutu”

BDB : “mmmmmmmmh a braz, mesa ndinu ma frenzo?”

Cyclone: “aise I barely know that guy, I met him ku zinziri 2 years ago and we got to talking of synergizing our efforts to revamp our old college days fame…fredo so anali konko and I think he stole most of our ideas, but anyway back to adha aja, I don’t know him and simply don’t like what he represents”

BDB : “Aaaaaaaaaah chief, bwanjiso?”

Cyclone: “phwala uja amalimbikira kuti nyimbo zonse zizikhala mu chizungu, iwe unkayesa kuti ndi chani milomo yanga kumaoneka yodyeka dyeka chonchi? Ndatopa ndikuzilumaluma mu studio chief ….tayima kaye ndikubwera ndikakoze”

Cyclone rose, left his drink on the table and headed to the washrooms…this was his seventh time answering nature’s call and we had only been at club fifteen for just over an hour…chingakhale kuti ndi chani? I started pondering…he was drinking neither much nor that fast…

Bossaro came back and I then also noticed that he was also walking kinda funny…normally he walks like a ndirande craftsman of some sort (ngati kuti ndi welder, carpenter etc), he really uses his akatumba is all I’m saying, but now amayenda ngati kuti akuponda makala otentha.

BDB : “kodi kukoza kozaku bwanji kodi?”

Cyclone : “ za ntauni zomwezi chief…tazitayeni”

BDB : “what do you mean? Ndichani aise?”

Cyclone : “all I can say my brother is kuti ngati uli mamuna ndipo sunakabayiseko jenta ndekuti sunabebheko pamoyo wako”

I chose to not delve into the specifics of that statement and elected instead to initiate movements so that we move to another place.

At that time I had been hearing of a new place in Blantyre called skallaz (or something) so I proposed that we go there and check it out. To which Cyclone agreed to and we rose to go after I had settled the bill…I enquired of the rest of the guys we came with but Cy told me to not bother, this was the way shit was done in Blantyre; wayenda wapenga….Blantyre is just one big tchalitchi cha napusenapuse both figuratively and literally …kubonzana ndi kubonzerana plus making temporary partnerships strictly for necessity , so there is no such thing as ‘kupita out ndi wakuti wakuti’ …you can be ditched at any time and moment of any night.

Anyway we got to Skallaz and lo! Behold!…this place was nothing more than Kips restaurant with a bar…seriously guys if you are going to name your joint after a famous bar in Durban (yes there is a ‘skallaz’ in Durban) you better also copy their standards…anthu ku Blantyre kumangochemerela chili chonse chanyuwani…

Sitinachedweko ku skallaz , we decided to skip across town to the one and only Chez ntemba…at least we would find no surprises there….
That’s what we thought…

To be continued….kwasala imozi yokha kuti ithe ….

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