Ahoy it is December!!
First and foremost, on behalf of Pabwalo entertainment network Big Daddy Bae would like to congratulate all of you able to breathe in good health and read this article for a job well done keeping it together and staying afloat, because 2018 was a shitty year hey!
Seriously, what the fuck was that? A year so full of tragedies, bad luck, and pregnancy scares, STI alarms, unnecessary marriages and mediocrity…or was that only me?
Anyhow, as we edge ever closer to year’s end I thought it wise to dedicate an entire article to the phenomena that absolutely made no sense, had no outcome whatsoever and only reason why they got their hype in the first place is because of the naturally inherent fear of missing out (FOMO) that the youth in this entertainment starved-impoverished nation get carried away with.
As per tradition this is all one man’s biased opinion were no external consultation nor any logical reasoning were engaged…as usual this was done for your reading pleasure and to make your workplace toilet experience much more memorable…
LET’S GET TO IT
Black Panther-the movie,
What can I say? This was supposed to be the movie of the century, there were endless orgasms and seats at the UN Security Council in promise for every black person who got to watch the movie.
Thus it became a race to who would watch it first and post about that “spiritual experience” on facebook, mpaka ena anakafika nazo ku Zambia kuchitisa ntundu wonse wa Malawi manyazi (kalanga! Malawi wanga!).
Personally I was quite skeptical and didn’t get carried away with the whole frenzy, but none the less eventually when I finally got the DVD rip I went in equipped with lotion and tissue paper, being prepared to masturbate away at the guaranteed awesomeness of the movie
Guess what I got? a play
Don’t get me wrong, the movie and its plot weren’t all that bad, in fact the movie plot fit in perfectly with the marvel universe and its recurring theme.
However it was over lionized and certainly was not the best marvel movie in stock at the time of its release.
Then of course were the stereotypical African accents and themes that disgust me, listening to some of the dialogue in the movie is akin to one having his scrotal sac’s pubic hairs plucked one by one by an uncle, as the uncle maintains deep eye contact….it was excruciatingly pretentious and extremely patronizing
I don’t care if it is someone’s best movie of all time…what I’m saying is kuti zinasanduka zamatama, and no self-respecting young Malawian wanted to feel left out.
I hope all you people who took pictures wearing African print and donning that crossed elbows Orlando pirates striking pose got what you were looking for and are still ‘woke’ black rights activists….panya panu
United Tranformation Moment
UTM or UTP or whatever it will be called next week came like a heart attack. It all started in 2014 when a robber enticed a computer geek (afana akumpanda) to join his band of merry men and help him win a certain “popularity contest” with the promise that he will become number 2 in the ranks and will eventually be number one in the crime family…
But alas, afana akumpanda samawaziwa ma ghetto youth (pronounced yuthi), Arthur Peter ‘Robbing’ Hood and the rest of the merry men had other plans hey…they used him thoroughly and vehemently only to notify him that he would be discarded faster than a condom kuseli kwa mpanda wa chez.
Obviously our boy caught feelings and resurrected a rebellion where he started telling us what we already know about the ‘merry men’ nkumati ma exposé, pleaaaaaaase, as if he wasn’t part and parcel of that group, iyeyo samaziwa the caliber of these men when he made the decision to join them?…snitch nigga 101
But hey! This has brought in new fashion trends and an enhanced lust for trimmed beards, otherwise it is of my opinion that this guy has offered no solution to the country’s woes other than pledging a blood oath of revenge against his former comrade in arms once he takes office…zina zonse akunena are all African proverbs, outlandish solutions and unrealistic dreams…but hey apwitikizi finally have representation in the presidential race right?
And dare to say something negative against Chill-ma, basi ndiwe hater…ayi nzabobho..all I’m saying is we shouldn’t have to choose better smelling faeces from the rest of the sewage, it is all dung even if zinazo zikumanunkhilako ngati mazila obhoyila.
Guamba’s weight loss and fitness plan
I will not say much here, leave the guy alone, many an artists have had weight fluctuations in this country but just because akazi anu amawafila adha awa kapena kuti anazakudyeranipo mahope time yinayake basi you have now become a fitness and physiotherapy expert?
Let him eat his money in peace, and personally I’m quite happy for the lad, some of you might remember that I once called him fat in some article (https://pabwalo.net/2017/11/23/pabwalo-music-awards-by-bigdaddybae/ )….as long as he is happy and content, mulekeni, go put extra focus on your beer bellies.
Magaye aja ndi ama looks, chabwino we got it! But there was no need for you whores to over-sensationalize it all, this is why we cheat on you and shall continue to do so mpaka muyaya…kutengeka ndi zili zonse and limited thinking capacity….mahule inu
Slay queen drama
Granted we don’t have celebrities worth our time and gossip in Malawi, and as such slay queens have filled in that gap: most of us want to find time and opportunity to bed them as well as engage in unnecessary gossip about their escapades
So what ngati waluma nzake diso osasusila mnchere? Showing us pictures of her ass won’t give us a more indepth reflection of her character nor the matter.
Let us not waste valuable time WhatsApp bundles downloading these picture thread stories.
Inu simuziwa kuti mahule ndi ma savage? then why act surprised when they act according to their nature and design?
New Chishango condoms
Mukumati kaya flavoured, achina vanilla ndi azinzake, but my friends tell me that they still get the rubbery smell and skidded tire effect (ine I wouldn’t know)
Komaso akuti achepesaso, akumakhalamo 3 instead of the traditional 4…..there still people out there with the capacity to hit 4 or more rounds tu a night…sizinakhale bwino apa….
Chitanipo kanthu a PSI…athandizeni anzanga.
Last but not least is another dance, most of us don’t know the meaning of the lyrics of the song and simply just started following suit anthu akamazigwetsa .
People are doing it to fit in, and I doubt that most of them genuinely enjoy the song…just the craze kuti sakusalira basi
Until next time…